I’m watching the cursor blink over and over in my text entry field. I pause to begin typing, because I know with each word, it brings me another word closer to end of this last post here.
And then I remember that every word brings me another word closer to a new beginning at The Infertility Voice.
. . .
It’s a strange virtual precipice, to look back across the expanse of over a million words I’ve written over the past 2 years, 11 months, and 3 days. The Infertility Voice is hardly a blank canvas – all of these words will be coming right over there with me on Monday. But they exist within a newer, different context.
It’s like when you move: sure, you take all your stuff with you. But everything looks a little different when you see it laid out in your new place.
I hate moving. We’ve done it so much in the past 3 years that when we moved into our house (and after the nightmare that was our closing) I told my husband there is no way in hell we’re moving for at least another 5-7 years.
Well, let me be totally honest: it’s not so much that I have moving – I hate packing. Okay, well, that’s complicated too, because I love a good purge of accumulated junk. But like when we moved out of student housing and into our home, I waxed nostalgic then too, as I wrapped up the trappings of early married life and packed them away in boxes. Like I said back in 2010: “There’s a lot more than just pots, pans, and books packed into these boxes.”
There’s a lot more than just words and code stored on servers here at Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed.
. . .
Before my video went viral, I had 29 Google Friend Connect followers of this blog, when I was still over at Blogger. I have no idea how many people follow this blog currently, since WordPress doesn’t have Google Friend Connect, but since I track analytics, I know that it’s a lot more than 29 people coming around here on a regular basis.
I ask myself all the time why people come back to read what I have to write. What makes people care?
Is it the intimate details of my infertility journey, my marriage, my life and my work? Is it the cobbled together website design over the years? Is it my humor and snark?
Or is it even the community that’s been created by interacting with each one of you, through comments and follow up posts and whatnot?
I’m not sure what it is, but it’s meant a lot to me to know that people care about what I have to say. I’m still humbled by it, every single day, that people come to this site from all over – a link on someone else’s blog, from my video or Facebook page, or just from organic Google searches – and then stay to read.
It really does mean a lot to me. And as I write this last post, just like when I move to a new place, I fear that I’ll leave something – or someone – behind.
. . .
I did not cope well for the first six months I moved to Massachusetts. We didn’t really know anyone, I was stuck in a miserable job, I was terrified of driving around here (there’s a reason MA drivers are called massholes) and I just hated how big of a change it was in my life. I missed Maryland. I told my husband I wanted to move back.
He asked me what I really missed. “Do you miss Maryland or do you miss our friends?”
I realized he was right; that I didn’t miss living next to an IKEA (ok, no – I really do miss living next to the IKEA) but that I missed the tight group of friends we had built up the three years we lived there. These same friends have now scattered to the four winds around the country and even internationally; even if we moved back, it would never be the same because they weren’t there anymore.
When I had that realization, I started finally warming up to Massachusetts.
Now? When somebody asks me where I’m from, I often mistakenly reply “Massachusetts.” Then I correct myself. “I’m from New Jersey, originally,” I say. That’s how deeply rooted I am to this state. I love it here. If we ever do move again, it better be within this state.
I may not have loved it at first, but Massachusetts is my home now.
I’m just as nervous about moving to The Infertility Voice as I am excited by it. I’m nervous that I’m leaving folks behind here, leaving a distinct community I helped shape behind. I know some of you won’t follow me and I get that.
But I’m so fucking excited about moving too. Because even though the community and focus might be a little different, The Infertility Voice finally taps into the work that I’m meant to do in this life. Why wouldn’t I be excited by that?
And I don’t expect it’ll be that different really: a lovely new design, reaching out to even bigger audiences, and more resources and support. It’s the same bowl of ice cream, just a different flavor AND a cherry on top. Again, what’s not to be excited about?
. . .
Maybe it’s knowing that this last post at Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed is the end of a chapter.
I promise you: the story is nowhere near finished. The next chapter starts this Monday.
You can help me feel better about the move by updating your RSS feeds to add this one: http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheInfertilityVoice. Or by liking my new Facebook page here. Or just letting me know in the comments if you’re coming along on Monday.
. . .
The truck engine revs in the driveway. Someone honks a horn. “C’mon, already, geez!”
I guess it’s time to go. I walk around, taking one last look around the old place, my footfalls echoing in the now empty rooms.
I can’t help but cry. I’m going to miss this place, this blog, this amazing space I’ve created with you over the last three years.
I know I’m leaving a little bit of my heart here.
And I can’t wait to show you the new place.
. . .
The Infertility Voice launches this Monday, March 5, 2012 at 8am Eastern Standard Time.
. . .
Finish writing my last post here.
Save draft. Review. Hold my breath.
Hit “Publish.”
…And here we go.
No related posts.
16 Responses to Moving to New Beginnings
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I’ve Moved!
Awesomesauce (Things That Are Awesome)
I’m going with you! You bet! I’m excited for your new venture!
I will be coming along, I’ve already been getting your email updates!
I’m waving at you as you drive around the corner, out of sight…
…I’m eager to see you in your new place. May it soon have all the hominess and relationships that this old one did.
While I have never met you in person, you, your video, your words and your presence have helped me in so many positive ways in our infertility journey. So of course I will follow you to your new home. I hope you transition smoothly into your new blogging home, we’ll be there to help you adjust just like you have helped us
Keiko, you are an absolute inspiration, not only for the voice of infertility, but as a strong powerful woman.
I have always loved the name of you blog, and now, i am so excited for you and your new beginnings. I look forward to see what you have in store!
Be well!
Congratulations to you, Keiko on what you’ve built here, and what’s to come. Can’t wait to see the new place.
Congrats. Endings are hard, but new beginnings are always beautiful. And knowing you, your “continues” will continue to be beautiful. Sending you love and light.
I can’t believe this is it! Hannah Wept Sarah Laughed is/was a mainstay in this community – it has always been one of the central touchstones, a place where I go to feel grounded, to feel involved, to feel–I don’t know–connected. I’m so excited for your new space, your new journey but I am sad to see this place go. Like you said, even though everything is going with you, it won’t be the same. And, like you said, this place is more than just the words written here. It is an extension of yourself, it is an imprint of your journey. And you are leaving it now because you’ve changed, and your journey is heading in a new direction and you need your space to reflect all of that. And just because the future is exciting and wonderful and great, doesn’t mean it’s not sad to leave the past behind.
I wish you all the best of luck at The Infertility Voice. I for one, will be joining you on this next leg of your journey. I can’t wait to see where you go!
Lose me? Never! I’ll be there on Monday.
By the way – since I am a masshole by adoption (originally Californian) I support you in your love of the Bay State. I love it here too. I also wanted to offer my services as your slave, because you are my blogging hero! You’ve turned your passion into a career move, and that makes me VERY jealous! WTG!
I’ll be coming with you. And since you were wondering why people follow along, I’ll tell you that I keep coming back because I love your writing style. And I also find your passion inspiring.
What a beautiful post Keiko! I share your and other reader’s mixed feelings as you say goodbye to this space and hello to your new one. I get the emotions having recently left my blog of almost five years to start a new one as well. Even though I also brought along my content, it does feel different. Mostly exciting and empowering, but also a bit scary too.
I appreciate that we got to experience some aspects of this move together and that we could support each other, though it was mostly you giving me advice, since you are just so tech savvy like that!
I don’t know if I have ever told you how much I love the name of this blog you are leaving behind. I am not saying that to make you more sentimental, as I totally get why you feel compelled to make this move. But in case I haven’t shared that with you, I just think it was such an inspired title and I love what it represents. But just like in whatever movie where they say “We’ll always have Paris…” or something to that effect. We’ll always have wonderful memories of the community you built here, how openly and candidly you shared about your life and experience with infertility and how you became such an incredible advocate for those diagnosed with IF.
I have so much faith in you and what you are building in your new space and know that you will continue to do all of those things on a much bigger scale, allowing you to touch so many more hearts and lives with your writing, your passion for helping others and your many other talents.
Congrats and Godspeed! I am so proud of you! I can’t wait to follow you to and watch you shine in at your new place! xoxo
I’ll be there! Wouldn’t miss it! Best wishes on the new adventures!
I am one of those people who found you when your video went viral. I followed you on blogger, and I moved with you to wordpress. Was there ever any doubt I’d follow you anywhere? There shouldn’t be. I’m already subscribed to The Infertility Voice. It will be like you never left!
Much love and luck,
Jo
I’ll be following you to your new place and look forward to your new posts. Sometimes it has to be out with the old in with the new – in my case, out with the fibroid, in with the baby! So here’s hoping new blog – new life!
So bummed. The new site is blocked on my computer at work (don’t worry, I only check on my lunch breaks). I don’t have internet at home. I’ll miss you!
What a lovely site, glad I stopped by!
FYI, you CAN have Google Friend Connect on WordPress, even migrating your following list. Check under the WordPress plugins!
Great writing, keep it up!